Being curvy or plus size and wearing a bikini, as always, is not something that is encouraged. And even now, most plus-size bikinis tend to come with high-waist bikini bottoms to ensure that you cover up any wobbly bits if you do decide to unleash your body on innocent people at the beach or by the pool.

I have had this bikini for a long time, 10 years to be exact. And it is a low-rise bright yellow bikini and on my skin tone, you can spot me from a mile away. It’s definitely not a colour you would wear if you are trying to blend-in. So basically, wearing this bikini was a challenge to myself on my recent holiday to Palma de Mallorca. I had spent most of my time in one-piece swimsuits because I just wasn’t comfortable in a two-piece. Point. Blank. Period. Everyone has their insecurities right? Let me give you a little back story.

So the picture above is from a 16 year old Brenda, enjoying the sun at Bray Beach without a care in the world. I was still a little full-figured and only one dress size smaller than I am now. Right after this picture was taken, a group of boys and girls my age were walking past and they were laughing and pointing and I heard one of them saying “Ew, look at the size of her ass!”. I am pretty sure one of them was even trying to take a picture. It wasn’t the nicest experience and obviously my friends just told me not to mind them. I really tried not to care but I became so paranoid that everyone else at the beach had the same sentiments and they were disgusted at my size 14 chubby faced thick legs and big bum self. I quickly changed out of the bikini and from that moment I vowed not to wear anything too revealing at the beach. And I kept to it for 10 years until now. Having this blog has forced me out of many of my comfort zones in an effort to inspire others and I figured it was time I conquered this bikini fear. Not only did I wear the same bikini, I took a picture (or pictures) and I am putting it on the internet.

Of course I didn’t overcome this inert fear on my own and not in its entirety either (I kept my black kimono on the whole time…and its from H&M). As much as I am an advocate for self-love and how you shouldn’t depend on other people to love you first before you can feel like it’s okay to love yourself, sometimes it helps having others around you that love you and build you up so much to the point that there is no room for your own negative thoughts left in your mind. My partner is very good at that and so are many other people in my life. I am grateful for them and If you are struggling, draw on the positive people in your life. If they tell you that you are beautiful, believe them. They have nothing to gain from telling you a lie that boosts your confidence.

Embrace your body, wear what you want and how you want to.

Peace and Love.

BRENDAMANG