” We beg women to love themselves, but tell the confident ones to calm down” – @markuspr1me3_

Many people always want to bring others down for many different reasons whether it’s jealousy, ignorance or whatever. In my experience, the tearing down sometimes comes in the form of negatively charged compliments. It sounds like a paradox of sorts but i guess I am just referring to people that throw shade. Get it now? Good.

Ever since I was younger, people always tell me that I have a lot of self confidence. Now, this isn’t so bad, right? But what usually follows that so-called “compliment” typically goes a little something like this; “You have a lot of confidence for a big girl”. Is it really necessary to add that last part if you are trying to be positive and uplifting? I don’t think so. Because I am plus size, am I not meant to have high self-esteem? Apparently so.

I used to have negative people around me that loved to point out all the things wrong with how I look. I actually had an ex-boyfriend that told me once “you have a great shape but you would look so much hotter if you were slimmer”. True story. He is now an “ex” for a reason. But that’s not the point. The point is, when you don’t love yourself, it is so easy for things like that to get into your head and damage you. I am not saying surround yourself with ‘yes’ people but make a conscious effort to be in a positive environment.

The journey to self confidence and self love is never an easy one. Especially nowadays where people are bombarded with images of society’s unattainable standard of beauty. Social media doesn’t help much either. We forget that the “perfect” images we see have most likely been manipulated in some way shape or form. Being a model, I have experience with this manipulation. I have done photo shoots where the end product was definitely different to how I actually looked originally. I have scars on my legs from all my tree-climbing antics during my childhood but you never see them in photos because there are smoothed away by a little something called Photoshop. If it’s a live runway show, they can be easily covered with make-up. Most people use these tools on social media and yet some people are still oblivious to this so they believe what they see to be real and start to genuinely feel like how they look is inferior to everyone else. The key is not to let other people dictate what is beautiful to you. Don’t compare. Everyone is different for a reason. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to blend in with the rest of the world.

There really is no formula to loving yourself that I can give but if you are really struggling, then maybe instead of concentrating on your flaws, amplify the things you love about yourself. Look in the mirror and compliment yourself on just one thing a day. Your mind is very powerful. Negative thoughts will rarely lead to a positive outlook. Self confidence has no terms and conditions. Remember that.

Peace and Love

BRENDAMANG